Updated: Oct 14, 2019
When you practice detachment continuously – at home, at work, among friends, and especially with difficult people – you will find how much security it brings you in your relationships. Attachments equal a life dictated by self interest, most people live this way. They have expectations of every single person in their life and it becomes selfish expectations if you really look at it. The relationship becomes more about what the other person can do for me rather than doing for the other person. I am here to tell you this is not love and the reason most relationships fall apart.
Saying “I love you” in English means you please me. In Spanish one says “Mi amour” which means “my love”. Wouldn’t you rather be someone’s love rather than someone’s possession? Because once you add the word “I” it becomes about you.
If you cannot stand back from your own pleasure and profit then you cannot help but manipulate others which will ultimately lead to a failed relationship and anguish and suffering.
But as you see it is our human nature or our ego to “love” selfishly. And I put “love” in quotations because that is not love. There is nothing selfish about pure love.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 (NCV) 4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. 5 Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others. Love does not count up wrongs that have been done. 6 Love takes no pleasure in evil but rejoices over the truth. 7 Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures.
This scripture defines true love and detachment is key. It is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. Love is not rude, is not selfish and does not get upset with others. Detachment is not easy because you must take yourself out of the picture and only want the best for the other person, even when you are arguing. Remember, every argument has a victim and a victimizer. If you live in Victor you will not concede to arguing for your selfish purposes and reasons. Victims are selfish, victimizers are selfish. Find your way back to Victor and you will see this! Read about living in victor here.
Detachment equals a life with a sense of purpose. You are free from compulsive emotional entanglements and this the best insurance against stress. The best way I can describe living in detachment is to step back and look at the big picture. Of course you must take your own ego self out of the picture. Here’s how I would do this with my boys and the awful circumstances we lived through.
How has detachment helped in your relationships?